This is Professor Frakinoff and it's time for another edition of Frakkin' Nuts! The one place where TRUTH CAN'T HIDE! Today's topic - POLITICAL BULLSHIT!
What's with these people - do they think we're frakkin' STUPID?
Think about it, they only want one thing from us, that's right, one thing - our VOTE! And to get it the will say any frakkin' thing you can imagine. And since everyone believes different things they are going to try and confine us to voting "blocks" like right wing, left wing, undecided, labor, evangelicals, pro-choice, pro-life, and pro-death! Yea, that’s right, there’s even a voting block for those of us that are for euthanasia. That’s a fancy word for wanting to off yourself when you become a frakkin’ vegetable. God forbid we should be able to make that decision ourselves!
But here’s the thing. We aren’t voting blocks, we’re all individuals, but they can’t deal with that, there’s too many of us, so they got to pigeonhole us so they can lie to us in groups. Here’s how it works! They leave their fancy Washington apartment, get in their limos and travel to a place they don’t intend to set foot in for 4 more years. This would be anywhere there are real people who’ve got that one thing they want. Places like army bases, churches, meat-packing plants, or the American Rifle Association annual gun show. That’s right – They all love guns. That is, until they go to a PETA convention. Then they love animals! And once they get there, they give a speech packed full of bullshit written by someone else. A professional speech writer whose job it is to make something come out of their mouth that will get you to give up the one thing they need – the VOTE!
It’s a lot like sex. You feel all fresh and clean until you do it. Then, after you do it, you’re just another Hoe! You know Aristotle said that all creatures are sad after sex. I always feel like that after I vote. I have to go home and take a shower so I can wash their verbal jism out of my head.
So they go to all these different places saying things they don’t believe, thinking we’re so frakkin’ stupid we won’t connect the dots. They’re going to tell us they believe in gay marriage, but butt-fuckin’s a sin, they’re pro-choice up until about month 3-4 when the fetus stops looking like a tadpole and then life is precious because the mother can vote, they’re for universal health care – so long as it can be administered by the insurance industry. (Like they’ve got our best interest at heart!)
On-and-on. It’s all a pack of lies. Why? Because they need something else to win the election and they need lots of it. MONEY! You see, they don’t need that from you, because they’re going to get your money once they get in office. That’s what taxes are all about. No, they need money for TV ads. This is where really professional liars create media extravaganzas that can entirely blur the separation of fantasy and reality, church and state, truth and falsehood. These guys are so good they make politicians look HONEST, JUST PLAIN FOLK! PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME!
Don’t you Frakkin’ believe it! You see, our vote comes with no strings attached. Once you give it up, they’re done with you. They won’t be back for 4 years. But the money they are taking from big business – These guys will be back. When its time for the politicians to do for you all those things they promise like; tax deductions, healthcare, social security, border security, balanced budget, the list goes on and on. But when it comes time for voting big business shows up and calls their markers in and what do we get? Frakkin’ NOTHING! That’s what we get.
The simple truth is you can’t judge a politician by what they say; you have to judge them by what they do. In fact this is the thing that makes them the most nervous. They’re afraid you might actually look at their record, so that’s the first thing they lie about. Here are some examples:
Nut Romney: He thinks you just might be nervous about him belonging to a religious cult of nutbags that wear magic underwear, worship extraterrestrials, think that afro-Americans are devils and proselytize door-to-door. He’s afraid you might think this kind idiotic nonsense might cloud his judgment! And you’d be right too. So what does he do, he goes on TV and tells you that religion will never enter his political decision making process. Yea right – Frakkin idiot!
Hillary Clinton: She wants to give you a balanced budget, social security, universal health care. Makes you feel good doesn’t it. Did she do this while she was in the senate? No, she was busy voting for the Frakkin’ war in Iraq. She voted for the SURGE too! THE WAR IS GOING TO COST YOU, YOUR CHILDREN, AND THEIR CHILDREN, THEIR FRAKKIN’ FUTURES! You can’t vote for anyone who voted for the war! Period!
Rudy Giuliani: He wants you to think he’s for cutting taxes, winning the war in Iraq and most of all JUSTICE! This guy is the self proclaimed mother Teresa of 9/11 victims! He’s the guy that grabbed Bernard Kerik’s arm and cried, “Bernie, thank God George Bush is our President!” Thank Freaking god we’re going bankrupt at the hands of a born again moron! Great thinking Rudy! Good judge of character. This is the guy that put the Office of Emergency Management on the 23rd Floor of the WTC – Duh! But that’s not his real problem, what he’s really concerned about is you might think he’s a crook, so what’s a primary plank in his campaign? JUSTICE? Let’s look at the record: He appointed Russell Harding to head Housing, he plead guilty to fraud and corruption. He appointed Richard Roberts to Health & Hospitals, he plead guilty to perjury for buying a car for Rudy with public funds. He appointed Bernard Kerick as police commissioner; he was linked to organized crime and plead guilty to obstruction of justice. What else, oh, he’s supports marriage for heterosexuals but only domestic partnerships for gays. He also, apparently, believes in adultery, divorce and the misuse of public funds. Yea, you can trust this guy. It’s Frakkin’ Bullshit!
Mike Huckabee: He’s afraid you might think he’s using religion to further his own political gain and that he might continue to do this in office. No! Let’s see, he’s an ordained Southern Baptist minister who worked for TV evangelist James Robinson. Certainly he didn’t learn to use religion to manipulate people for his own personal gain there? Here is a collection of contradictions! He’s pro-life, but he’s also pro-guns, pro-Iraq war, so, apparently, he’s also pro-death! He believes in “biblical inerrancy” That is, the bible is without error! For Christ Frakkin’ sake! This is the 21st century. You want another president like George to carry on this lunatic war against the Muslims! Haven’t we had enough of this religious bullshit yet? Oh, he doesn’t believe in evolution and wants creationism taught in schools instead of science. Forget it! The United States is a secular government! We don’t want it run by religious zealots who want to invade our lives and tell us what to think and do. Nyat!
Well, you get the idea. Its bullshit I tell you. They are full of it. You don’t find out what they are going to do until they get in office. Don’t believe a thing they say. Look at what they’ve done up until today. If you don’t like what they did, you want like what they do tomorrow – guaranteed! We‘ve got real problems in the world folks. We’re going down the tube. We are going bankrupt running an illegal war instead of addressing problems at home for the taxpayers of America. Don’t vote for anyone that supports this illegal war! Don’t vote for anyone in the pocket of big business! Don’t vote for anyone that wants to stuff their religion into your government.
POLITICIANS! Don’t believe them! If they say they’re telling you the truth – They’re lying! If you believe them – You’re FRAKKIN NUTS!
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